Monday, January 30, 2006

The last of a family name

My mothers maiden name is Richardson. Her mothers maiden name was Beron.

Today I received a letter from my mammy saying that her aunt Mildred has died. That would make it my great aunt Millie who is now sleeping 6' under. I never met her, but I wish I had. I had spoken with her on the telephone on several occasions. She was a very kind soul. Thoughtful and remembering to the last. She always sent birthday and Christmas cards, and called my mom at least twice a year just to check up on her. She was 94 years old. I never once sent her a christmas or birthday card. Now it is too late. Regret is bitter.

Great aunt Mildred was the last person in my grand mothers family. The last name of the Beron family has now died off on that branch. No one had any sons, only daughters, lots of daughters... Kinda sad isn't it? Another thing that I think sad is that not only was my mothers mom one of the last to carry a family name to its grave, so also will be my own mammy. (Well, that is if I don't find some magic elixer of life and give it to her. Which I still have great hopes of doing before anything should happen to her.) She has only one sister, and only female cousins, so... yeah there goes another branch of that family name.

I can only imagine how it must feel to be the last carrier of a family name. (Yes, I do of course realise that the names of Beron and Richardson have not died completely, but you get the idea.)

As i have 5 brothers, and I highly doubt that they will all live celibate lives, or are living... I will never have to worry about my last name dieing. that is a comfort. I am kind of attached to it. Although, technically it is really only a given last name. I'll explain more on that another day, but to sum it all up for you :
My great grandfather was left on a doorstep of a family who had the last name of Krupp. They liked him, so they kept him. (Musta been a cute baby.) Anywho, Krupp was changed to Krump somewhere in America shortly after his arrival. Apparently the powers that were thought that it needed to be less German and more American. Go figure that one. Add an "M" and drop a "P", bod-a-bing-bod-a-boom your more American.

It was something to write. It is something I don't want to forget. I hope you can spare a prayer for my great aunt Millie.

Last notes:
It seems to be that whenever my mom does send me news in the mail it is always regarding a death. For example, my Christmas card detailed the death of my dog, Maggie, and also the death of a baby chicken. Cheerful no?

Oh, and apparently death does not just happen in America. My beautiful room mate and fast found friend has died as well. She went to her sewery grave last Thursday with much weeping and wailing on my part, and snickers over the phone from Jb. Men, they never quite understand.

Rest in Peace Aunt Mildred Beron-Hanrahan, and Miss Arabella Poisson. You are missed!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Thoughts I have after trying to run for an hour , aka "I know Mare and she knows me!"

I need bigger lungs, smaller boobs, new shoes, and better music.

Mary Brigid is a shrewd girl who always seems to say the wrong thing right before she hits the nail on the head. She is great for that!

Everything is good. I am able to figure out what I want. I can do it, have it, achieve it, and practice it. Woo hoo. My problems are never as bad as I think they are. I am often too melodramatic when concerning my inner turmoils.

I really need to thank everyone who was so good as to pray for me, and or drop me an encouraging note in the last two weeks. Thanks everyone.

Mention that I was cleaning out my emails earlier today and I came across a really old one in which I was summing up a homily of father Pats to a friend. (I ended up deleting the email and just saving the following excerpt)

..."portraying your happiness to God by being good to the people around you. And how when we know that Christ has gone to heaven in order that he might prepare a place for us in his kingdom, then we should not worry about earthly things, but be more concerned about building up a treasure of heavenly valuables. I especialy liked the priests personal interjections about how we are called to be smiling all of the time, because we know that our names are written in "The Book of Life", and that we are just passing through, during our life on earth, as we head to our home in heaven."

Yes, I realise that there are many gramatical errors in that quotation, but I really don't feel like changing it . You may all feel free to edit it in your own minds. You may add periods, remove commas, and personalize the message to fit you... etc

Ohh! Funnies!

While I have actually been in a better mood I still felt like searching for some demotivators. He he he. I dunno! I am just a weird person. Here you go, I hope you enjoy them:

We'll start with a pearl of wisdom.

Then question why it is that people always feel they have to be the best in everything, instead of just enjoying being "sort of able" to do something. I can be content with "sort of able"

Thirdly, lets all think of how silly penguins are, but how everyone likes them just as they are. At least I have never met a person who didn't like them. Have you?

Now, remember what life was like before you knew anything about science.
I know I tried to find the end of a rainbow more than once before I got my first science book.

Next we'll contemplate how it is indeed possible for someone to feel lonely when they are on a metro with 200 other people.

And finally, lets all ponder what the future has in store for us.

Friday, January 20, 2006

By:Damian Rice

Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now,
Or am I lost?

No one's daughter allow me that
And I can't let go of your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
or am I lost?

Don’t you know I love you
And I always have
Will you come with me?

Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me?

Ahh...Am I lost with you?
Am I lost with you?
Am I lost with you?

You are all required to find this song and listen to it. It is... perfect for now.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

A "what the fudge, God!?!" day

I give up.

I am so sad today that it is not even possible to discribe for you. Everything is turning out so different to what I had thought God had wanted for me. Probably because I strayed from His path to far, but still... I am having a "What the fudge, God!?!" day.

I desperatley need a friend that can understand what I am talking about, but unfortunatly I have no money to call the few who would understand, and I am unable to post the problems here. I just don't want everybody to have to hear me complain. My "bestest few" I want to talk to, but just the few who can deal me the truth that I need to hear.

Peoples who care. Please show yourselves. I need prayers bad right now.

I miss my friends. You are all so far away now. No one to play with my hair, or make me dance to songs under flourescent lights, no one to dance with at all in fact. No one to walk to the Mudd House with in a blizzard, or smoke cigarettes with in a ball park shed. No one to go to Frog Island with, or down near the river for an underage drink. No one to help me see Gods plan. No one.
I am going to have to get a cig. tonight!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

O my gosh!

Did Jesus exist? Italian court to decide

By Phil StewartROME (Reuters) -

Forget the U.S. debate over intelligent design versus evolution.
An Italian court is tackling Jesus -- and whether the Roman Catholic Church may be breaking the law by teaching that he existed 2,000 years ago.
The case pits against each other two men in their 70s, who are from the same central Italian town and even went to the same seminary school in their teenage years. The defendant, Enrico Righi, went on to become a priest writing for the parish newspaper. The plaintiff, Luigi Cascioli, became a vocal atheist who, after years of legal wrangling, is set to get his day in court later this month.

"I started this lawsuit because I wanted to deal the final blow against the Church, the bearer of obscurantism and regression," Cascioli told Reuters.

Cascioli says Righi, and by extension the whole Church, broke two Italian laws. The first is "Abuso di Credulita Popolare" (Abuse of Popular Belief) meant to protect people against being swindled or conned. The second crime, he says, is "Sostituzione di Persona", or impersonation.


Wow, that dude must be really angry. What does he actually hope to accomplish with this lawsuit I wonder? People who believe are still going to believe. They aren't going to change their mind, just because one judge in Italy says that Jesus can not be proven to exist, in a court of law. What a silly thing to waste your time on.

Monday, January 09, 2006


I have this odd sense of foreboding. I have been having nightmares about horrible things happening to my family for the last several nights. The dreams have been so bad that I have woken in freight from them screaming "Stop it Mom!!!", and on the following night "Stop it Peter"... This is not like me. I sleep like the dead. Also, I have never been told that I talk in my sleep before, but the other night I fell asleep at Jb's place, (we were watching movies too late,) and he told me that I was talking in my sleep. He couldn't make out what I was saying, but then I can understand the situation. I mean Wisconsin english, muttered by an over exhausted girl, can be a little hard to catch. I've tried with my sister Jubilee before. It was hopeless. All the same, I wish he did catch it. What was I saying?!

Anywho, I called my mom today for a moment to thank her for the (now sour) eggnog, that she sent to me in the mail for Christmas, and see if I could catch any queer vibes from her. Happily I discovered, that no, there is nothing that interesting or extreme going on at home. Just the usual sort of chaos and pandemonium. Gump and Bean came home for a visit, Pop has started to atempt to write a book about his mathematics, and no new calves have been born that I must name. 'Please call back next week after "So-'n-so" the cow has her baby, we will need you then.' I finished the call in 12 minutes and am so far pleased that nothing is happening at home in WI. So, I will in a few minutes, be attempting to call Gabe and Pider down in Texas to se if there is anything going on there. I don't really expect to find anything, I am just doing it to feel better really. Much is the same reason why I am writing it all down here this evening. I just want to make them stop so that I can get some sleep. I love sleep. Sleep has always been my friend, why is it being so mean to me now?

Oh, and of the beat entirely: I had originally meant to devote this blog to the film I saw this weekend, Lord of War, which I found to be extremely well done, but I am to tired to do it justice today. Perhaps tomorrow I will blog about that. In the mean time I suggest that everyone look at the reviews for this film. They aren't lying, it is in a class of it's own. Funny, sad, enlightening, cruel, honest, heart wrenching at moments, and brutal all at the same time. You can hardly decide who you want to see succeed. I am not a big fan of Nicholas Cage, but I found him absolutely perfect for his role. If I believed in reincarnation, I would say that this character was him in another life.

Blah! I am going to try calling Pider and Gabe now. They are generally happy fellows they should be able to cheer me up.

Have You Ever Seen The Rain?
Someone told me long ago:
There’s a calm before the storm,
I know;
it’s been comin’ for some time.

When it’s over, so they say,
it’ll rain a sunny day,
I know;
shinin’ down like water.

What I want to know,
is have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know,
have you ever seen the rain
comin’ down on a sunny day?

Yesterday, and days before,
sun is cold and rain is hard,
I know; been that way for all my time.

’til forever, on it goes
through the circle, fast and slow,
I know;
it can’t stop, I wonder.

But, I want to know,
have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know,
have you ever seen the rain
comin’ down on a sunny day?


I want to know,
have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know,
have you ever seen the rain
comin’ down on a sunny day?

Friday, January 06, 2006

Seeing the change

I posted the following messege in reply to Scherzos last blog. I thought it was worth sharing, but if you want the whole picture you will have to visit her blog:


Dear Bunnydette,
I too know how you feel. Like it is still your family, but no longer the source of all your joy as you remember it was, or hope that it always will be. I know how painful it is to see your brothers in limbo, and still have all those wonderful memories of innocence and happiness with them.

I too am often leaving and moving from place to place, so I also see the differences more profoundly than those who stay at home. I often wish that I was able to take a larger part in the forming of my siblings. I wish that my parents were the exact same people they were when I was growing up.

They are different now, more patient, less enthusiastic one might say. Still wonderful people and great parents, but just not the same. Thus, my younger siblings will not be made in the same sort of mold as my older brothers and I were made in. It's like making making a huge batch of cookie dough, and baking the first half at 370°F for 8-10 minutes, then refridgerated the second half for a week and baking that dough at 350°F for 10-12 minutes.

*If you have no idea what I am talking about, feel free to ignore the cookie reference. My mom just sent me cookies in the mail, and because I am on a diet I haven't eaten them yet, so they are constantly on my mind... damned things!*

Sadness comes when you realize that you have lost the old person/s you loved to play, climb, sing, splash in the mud with, and fight with over the last bit of ice cream, to a person who somehow has become mature and willing to give you the last bit of ice cream. That is when you know you have lost them to adulthood.

During the rebellioususus stage they are still your little brothers, they are just not sure who they are going to be soon. That is what I think is so upsetting. You see that they are not quite as happy as you all used to be, but you are unable to use the old means of having fun to make them happy anymore. They have left all the innocent ways of being happy behind in favor of promises of happiness for the future. It may be a wonderful future, but there is no way to know till the change is complete.


Growing up is the hardest thing in the world to do. I am struggling with it everyday. I never want to stop seeing the world as a child sees it. I want to be amazed by twinklie lights every year when Christmas time draws near, I want to always look up at things when I am walking, and I want to always expect the best from people. It is just really hard sometimes to know the world and see it for what it is, but also retain inocence.

Everyone hates change. We are designed to go through it, but still we hate it. It's one of those definite things about living. We are born, we chang a lot, and then we die. There is nothing we can do about it really. However, that doesn't mean we are not allowed to miss the past. I do, quite often really...

*Song for today:
"Runaway Train"*

"Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night,
earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it"

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Replies to people who have commented previously on my blog.

It is to fair that I got the New Year 6 hrs before you as I lost those 6 hours when I flew here. So there! :^~
I dunno what my summer is gonna look like yet. I will def touch base back in the states for a bit, but I can't say when or for how long at this point in time. Sorry about that. I'd love to be able to see you and Megen too if at all possible. It's been over two years now hasn't it? Would you both please send me an email so I have your current addresses? Thanks pretty ladies!

I knew you weren't human a long time ago! Good thing to, as the world is too full of humans. Not enough ancient wisdom is what I say. Ents are awesome. Nice of you to stop by!

It is possible that we could be cousins. (I have so many that I have lost track!) Hey, we both chose birds for adopted pets. Cool! I like your Quackie. S/He is a nice color. I adopted a penguin and named him Tuxie and then I adopted a friend for him and named her Silver. I can't get the stupid links to work though. How did you get yours to work?

I admit to Goldfish neglect. I have just been calling her miss fish! I think that Arabella is a beautiful name for her, and I will commence with name recognition training tomorrow morning at feeding time. In a couple of months she should know her own name right? My American fish Mr. Bubbles learned his name in 2 months., but my Irish Fish Jack and Jill McGill never seemed to learn their names, and I had them for 7 months... Funny creatures, Goldfish.

I'll reply to more later... very tired now as it is 1 am my time.

Good night all!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Good pictures are sometimes better than words.

"The Normandy American Cemetery and Memorial, operated by the American Battle Monuments Commission, is located at Colleville-sur-Mer, France on a cliff overlooking Omaha Beach. 9,386 servicemen and women, of which 307 are unknown, are buried in ten grave plots. The names of 1,557 soldiers missing in action are also listed."

The ceiling of that little chapel, in the middle of the cemetery, has:

Lady Marianne comforting the dead


Lady Liberty Encouraging the living

The Germans idea of a Hobbit hole.

Don't I look tiny next to it?

The sunset on a beach in Normandy

Don't see her like this often.

Foggy Tour, makes me think of a light house.


The Ring? No, it's just me with semi-straightened hair. Semi because I did it on the most humid night available. Boy, am I brilliant or what?

Ooohh! It has twinklie lights too!

Some church I went to for Christmas Mass

A pyramid not found in Egypt

A better picture of my favorite geek. Who took most of these great pictures and then spent about an hour sending them to me through msn messenger. Some fella!