Monday, November 28, 2005

Stephenie DiCarlo is engaged!

I just got the email and I was crying like a baby.
I'm losing another friend to marriage! Bah humbug!
*theme song for Havilah today: "Only the Lonely"*

We are still so young, but my word, how the years go by so quickly?

In other news:
France is getting better all the time. I am dying to learn the language so I can speak with everyone, but I am progressing so slowly. What I really need is the French language in musical format. I think I would learn it faster that way. I could just sing it all day, when the kids are gone to school and the parents are at work, and I might even do like Mrs. Fedoryka used to say and listen in my sleep. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be anything like that available to me. he he he my luck sucks.
I have started making French friends, well one at least, his name is Jean Baptiste, but everyone calls him J.B. Absolutely nothing romantic at all, though he is pretty handsome, we are just really kindred spirits. We both love music, travel and meeting strange people. So we get along great and he just loves showing off his city to me. Last night we walked so much. We walked around inside Sacré Heart in Mont Marte, around The tower, along the river, and then past Notre Dame. After all that, we took the metro/walked to his house and I met his mom, and then he drove me to my place and we played with my globe till almost 1 in the morning! Craziness I tell ya craziness. He is just as good as me with names of countries, and even better than me with the country capitals. He is trying to help me learn to speak, but it's weird, because although I don't particularly mind speaking French, poorly, in my classes, I don't like to speak it to him. He is so good in English that it makes me feel so stupid when I am trying to construct my baby sentences in French. He says that I need to try harder, so I will. I need to work on my humility anyways!
Yesterday afternoon, I completely finished unpacking and decorating in my chambre. I am glad to have my own little place away from the family. It is very, very small, but I like the fact that I have somewhere that I can go to when I am done with work, or when I want to have a friend over to hang out.
I want to go home for Christmas break sooooo much, but I think that it will not be worth it really. I won't have ANY money for the whole of Jan. if I spend it on the flights there and back, so I am pretty much resigned to the fact that I am going to spend another Christmas away from home. Sadness. I am now trying to plot what I am going to be doing, but I really don't know what is available yet. Maybe, J.b. will invite me to spend it with him and his family and that might be nice, but I don't want the family to get the wrong idea or anything... blah! I dunno I suppose I really shouldn't care if they think we are going out or not. I mean eventually, they should be able to figure it out just by our body language right? Why am I even thinking this... I guess I just never really had a best friend that was a guy before. Ok, so that is one option or, I could try spending it abroad in another country sightseeing. So the question is: Where is a good place to spend 2 weeks in the middle of winter? Rome? I was thinking that, but I am not sure if I will have enough for the hostels, or even if they are open over Christmas... Throw me some suggestions.

I have to finish ironing now! Whoo hoo I love ironing!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

If I only had a brain!

Ok. No one reads the links apparently, but that's ok! 'Cause when I went back and read it again I realized what a huge mistake I had made anyways!
Ha! The 'sermon' I linked in to my last post was not made by people in the Catholic Lite denomination, but agaisnt them. Yes, I feel like an idiot. I pulled one of my old tricks of skimming the beginning and going for the inards of the argument. So I completely missed the who was arguing against whom part. My bad!
I am actually glad now that my little blog is not very noticible. I would not have wanted to step on the wrong toes and get nasty posts about how stupid I am for making these types of mistakes. lol. I promise I'll be more attentive next time and a little less jugdemental right off the bat.

*Havilah softly whistles to herself* "If I only had a brain!"

Also, Kate cleared me up on my questions, but since next to one else really cares to help me answer them, I am pretty sure that next to no one else cares what the answers are. So, yeah I am not gonna post them today.
By the way, I am really dissapointed that none of my other Ave friends said anything to help me. Bad you !

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Interesting thoughts on catholic baptism.

I was in a Catholic Forum, and I ran across a post on Phillips fast. I wondered what it was about, so I kept reading in that thread. I came to realize that one of the Catholics who was talking about this, was not a Roman Catholic, or any other Catholic that I was familiar with, but instead was something called a Catholic Lite. I had never heard of them! So, like a good, (curious, little, monkey) girl, I Googled "Catholic Lite" to see what they were all about.
(Ok, so I don't know much about them even after I Googled, but I still wanna say this broad generalizing thing about them... No I won't say it, I really want to, but I won't.)
What I do want to talk about is this sermon thing that I found and read:
It says some interesting things about being baptized in the name of Jesus, and not in the Trinity. It says, basically, that Romans Catholics are really bad. Yeah, really bad to have taken Jesus' name out of baptism. It has many, many, excerpts from the Bible and other sources, that reinforce the point it is trying to make.
I was all bristly when I read it first. However, that is normal for me. I always go all bristly and defensive of my Church in Rome. I sometimes like to look at anti-catholic, anti-Rome, literature (propaganda), and then go looking for my own little answers on other Roman Catholic sights. Ok, what bothered me is that I didn't find one this time. It is really bothering me, because something in the verses they quoted is ringing true to my heart.
Look at this one in particular:
Acts 19:4 Then said Paul, John verily baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people, that they should believe on him which should come after him, that is, on Christ Jesus. 5 When they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. 6 And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied.
Then all the questions started coming at once and I ran out of patience to look, so I decided to just post them here, and hope that God convinces the answers to find me instead of me having to search them out.
What if we are just missing that little bit?
(Side note: I don't particularly desire the gift of speaking in tongues, but I am really interested in, yearning for, the gift to interpret them.)
Is it possible to have a valid Ordination without a valid Baptism?
I'm pretty sure the answer is no, so then what? Can they be right? It's then logically possible for them to deduce that we are being led astray, and not following God's will. Our Popes would then become invalid wouldn't they? Or is there a loop hole?
What about the whole Baptism of Desire?
Someone has got to tie that one in there for me as well.

I admit that I have read history about bad/evil popes, but I have only known JPII. I felt the Holy Spirit was with him. How about that Baptism of Desire?

That stupid 'sermon' has got me all flustered. I might forward all this jargon to an old Professor or two and see what they have to say, but right now I am looking for other sources. Hey, all you theological people, drop me a line! Please, help me out here.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Some nice things.

God is good.
I am mellow and dramatic at the same time, but God is still good.
I got the keys to the car yesterday. I am so happy. I will no longer have to worry about walking home in the dark from the train station. This is a good thing.
Today, I went singing in front of Notre Dame, and I made 15.43 €, in about an hour. Not bad at all! I will pick a slightly different place to stand tomorrow and see if I can get any better. I am always struck by a desire to thank Mrs. Fedoryka whenever I do well singing. Almost all of the songs I sung today I learned with her. I miss vocal training. I can tell my voice isn't where it was two years ago. I can hear that I have lost a few high notes and that bugs me. If any of you dear Aveites should see her please tell her I love her, miss her, and am eternally grateful to her for all that she has done for me.
Tomorrow I might be joining a Gospel Choir/performing group thingy. A lady in my church gave me a number to call... Time will tell whether or not I have the gumption to dial a French phone number, with out knowing the person on the other end before hand. I might end up asking Bruno or Lydie for help, but I don't want to because they are always helping me so much.
I feel like I am in a constant state of being helped by them. I was agian remined today about how blessed I was in being chosen by their family and not being tricked into another family. In my language class there is a girl about my age, from Poland, who is working for a family with 5 children. (I wouldn't mind that so much if I was still getting all the other nice benefits that I am, but the rest of her situation is appalling.) She has to work at least 10 hrs every day, often 60-65 hrs a week, including Saturday. She doesn't speak French or English only Polish, so she can hardly comunicate with anyone here. She is getting paid beans, a lot less than is the normal rate for au pairs here anyways. She has to live with the family, and she has no mode of transportation other than her feet. Several of the other girls in my class and I are trying to find her a new family to work for, but so far no luck.
How exactly I always end up in such good situations is unknown to me, the only way I can even hope to understand is by thinking of myself as a child closing my eyes tightly as I hold God's hand and he leads me through this world of uncertainty. (That though has come from a thought/prayer by St. Rita, I am not sure where to refer you. I had looked her up recently and that thought stuck out for me. She is an awesome saint.) I am so blessed.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A diva, Me!

You're Part Diva
You know that a girl's gotta work it to get her way in the world.And while you aren't about to throw a tantrum at every turn...You do amp up the drama when you know you need it.You mix charm, honesty, and kindness to get ahead.
Are You a Diva?

I'm a doll.

Your Inner Retro Girl Is
1950s Doll
What Retro Girl Are You?
That's good, because I look good in red lipstick.


Your Reputation Is: Sweet Girl
While you're well known, there's nothing to worry about.You're reputation is mostly good - as good as any rep can be.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Nice one. I knew I would be an odd Super hero.

Your Superhero Profile
Your Superhero Name is The Duke TorpedoYour Superpower is Distant AttackYour Weakness is Cold WeatherYour Weapon is Your Venomous PitchforkYour Mode of Transportation is Stilts

Sunday, November 06, 2005

An adventure, a longing feeling, a thought on poverty and riches, and 2 top ten lists, some more words,and a game of sorts for my friends and readers!

I had a small adventure coming home from Paris last night. I was waiting in the metro station for my train and I saw this big black fellow ask someone pasing by for a cigarrete. The other guy said no, but I was feeling generous, so I bummed a cigarette to him. He proceeded to try and talk to me in French and I realized that he was really drunk, so I said that I didn't understand French and started to walk away. He said 'oh, English!' And proceeded to try and tell me how beautiful I was and blah blah. I tried to leave, but I found that I wasn't really able to get him to stop trying to speak to me, in his poor english, long enough to say 'ok thanks good bye.' Luckily my train started to pull into the station and I was at the far end of the platform so I said oh this is my train bye, and quickly started to trot towrds the nearest car. Unfortunately, he followed me onto my train. I tried to be nice and make him leave me alone, but he was plastered and didn't get the idea. I sat across from this other guy, who looked very harmless while reading his book, hoping that would deture the drunken guy. It didn't, he sat next to me and I was starting to get freaked. Not badly, but sort of. The guy across from us, not being drunk, noticed that I was having a hard time of it and so he started to talk to me in english and kind of distract the guy. The black guy was supposed to be getting off at Versaille Rd. and the other fellow and I were both getting off before him at La Celle St Cloud. However, when we got off the black guy followed me again. The other guy, named Arnold, offered to escourt me home. I thought that was probably a good idea. He wasn't a very big guy, but I thought it better to have a small, not drunk, white guy walking me home than to walk home alone with a large, semi scary, drunken, black man following me. The black guy stopped following me after a bit, and I got home safe but it was deffinitally a weird experiance. I will be far more careful as to whom I give cigarettes to in the future!

I don't think I will be able to save enough money to go home for Christmass and I am getting all bummed out about it. I don't want to spend another Christmas without people I love. I don't want to be alone in Paris. I would be happy to spend it with my friends in Ireland, except that I have some really bad memories spending last Christmas there with "he who shall not be mentioned" and his family, so I would rather not go to Ireland. I am thinking about going south. Maybe my friend Maria, from Ireland, is going to go home to Spain for Christmas. I might ask to visit her and her family for Christmas. I might try and spend it with another Irish contact named Stephanie in Bretagne, that's in the north west of France. I don't know... Do any of you have ideas as to where I should go. I still owe money to Mel and my mom, so I really can't even think about coming home. (Mel it is coming! I haven't forgotten your kindness in my hour of need. )

I hear that money can be a burden for the soul. Clouding the mind and making it harder to think of God and easier to think about worldly possesions. However, I find that not having any money, ok in my instance I have 5 euro for the rest of the month, is also a burden and draws me away from God. I am always distracted and worrying about paying my bills, student loans, and freinds back. Not to mention worrying semi constantly and being uncomfortable in my social surroundings, because of my clothes. My one pair of jeans that didn't have a whole in the knee, have started to simply become worn out. (Most girls know where jeans wear out the fastest and are next to impossible to patch.) I can't wear them anymore, so I am left with only my 2 pairs of old lady pants to wear. I would really love to buy a new pair of jeans, but I don't have resources to do so. The fact that I am always slightly uncomfortable in my surroundings distracts me from being sweet and social like I would like to be. It also bothers me that when I go to mass I am uncomfortable. I know this is pathetic and vain, but it is a distraction for me and is making it hard for me to concentrate on Jesus and not the people around me. I know others who have greater needs, but this in and of itself doesn't really help me to feel better about being poor. It actually just makes me sadder about the state I am in because I am unable to help them like I want to.

Rhetorical question: Why is it that the people who want to help others are the people least able to do so?

I don't know, I guess I am still young and that there will be plenty of opportunities in the future to help people. Maybe someday I will get rich from singing and will be able to help change the world! Probably not, but hey it's still a nice day dream.

Top ten list of what I would do had I an inexorbitant amount of money:
1.) Pay all debts back for myself. Student loans, medical bills... etc.
2.) Pay all debts back for all my friends. Kate and Lum at the top of the list, but closely followed by many of my friends at Ave who have done their best to follow Gods will and get an education, but in the process have, like myself, become indebted to so many.
3.) Pay all debts back for my parents and siblings. Yes, I put this one after my friends because, my parents have such old debts that their credit is already ruined and it really wouldn't matter if they waited a week or two longer for their money. My friends need it now.
4.) Secure a well insulated, simpley furnished, comfortably spaced, little house where my family can live without worrying about freezing in the winter or having hay bails as a sofa. Yes, we really have done it.
5.) Find out if there is any possibility of getting my father a liver transplant (He has Hepatitis C), my mother some kind of help with her weight problem (maybe a stomach staple?), my brother Peter and sister Jubilee braces, my brother David a completely paid for tuition for the next '4 years at Oxford. So that he doesn't have to leave after a year.
6.) Find some way to help Ave Maria College in Michigan. If nes. I would help them to pay anything they need to pay in order to stay alive for the rest of the time God has Earth spinning, or until the institution becomes corrupt. The later not likely to happen for at least 100 years.
7.) Arrange for a huge shipment of medical supplies and food to be shipped to Calcutta India along with several very carefully selected doctors who would be paid to live and work there for as long as they chose to stay. I would of course want the best most kind hearted people and would of course be willing to pay for whatever they needed.
8.) Donate large sums of money to several religious orders that I know would use the money to further Gods plans.
9.) Donate large sums of money to the Pro-Life movements in America and Europe.
10.) Go work in Calcutta for at least a year, and leave the money to my father to worry about while I was gone.

Top ten things I would be tempted to do if I had inexorbitant amounts of money:
1.) Get lyposuction. He he he It sounds so simple! My bum could be perfect!
2.) Buy lots of beautiful clothes. Nothing vulgar, but some beautiful skirts and blouses and a few pairs of shoes.
3.) Spoil my friends with expensive gifts that I know they don't really need, but would like. Cars, trips to exotic places... etc.
4.) Travel the whole world by myself or with... He he he I won't say who.
5.) Make the side of my barn into a drive in movie theatre and watch more money roll in! The closest theatre to my families home in Wisconsin is a 45 minute drive. Most people near us have to drive even farther. We could make a killing with a drive in right where we are located.
6.) Build Hobbit home in the side of a hill on my farm! Oh so cool.
7.) Have a huge party with lots of food and great musicians. Free for my friends from everywhere. It would be a huge reunion of sorts. I would fly ALL my friends to it! Everyone, Germans, Frenchies, Italians, Irish, Polish, everyone related to Ave, proffessors and their families included, all my long lost friends in Illinois, my parents friends, and those that they have long lost as well, and maybe a few choice people from Wisconsin including Slatterys, Korishs, and most of my brother Davids friends. I would have the beginning last for a month and have different groups arrive at different times so that I was able to se everyone, and then finish it with the huge evening bash.
8.) Find a really good organist/pianist and hire them along with a good bunch of singers to work for my church. Every mass would have good music.
9.) Pay my brother and another to write songs for me to sing and record.
10.) Be lazy and take a few select female friends of mine to a beauty retreat center thingy.

Hahaha I can't stop babbleing in this post. But I think that isn't really unusual. Katie, Louise, Mel, what would you girls do if you had all the money you could ever need or spend? You'd save Ave too, and since its on my list you don't need to put it on your list.

Oooh ooh I have an idea!!!! I say that Kate goes next and writes a list of things she would do with our inexorbitant amount of money. She can leave out Ave and any other things that she would do and I have already said I would do, such as give to pro-life and religious orders, I say that she has to come up with her own ten ways to change her world. But at the bottom of her list she can say which ones of mine she would have also listed had I not listed them first. Then Weezy should go next off of Kates list, then Mel off of Weezies, then Justin off of Mels, then as many people as I can get. I want to know how my friends would change the world they live in to make themselves and those they care about the happiest, healthiest, holiest people ever! Yeah happy thoughts!

Go kate go!
By the way if you are not one of my friends and you happen to have stumbled across my blog I would be happy to know you exist. Please say 'hi' in my comments box and try writing your own ten things. You can post them here if you have no where else to post them! Tell me how the world could be different!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Wow, I really hope not too many people think of me in this way.

I get very bored, so I take quizzes online to see what I can get. This one was interesting, first I got Sunflower then I went back and the second time through it I got this result:

Victoria/William U dont really belong in this time period, u r a bit
old fashioned, but that makes u cool and

What'>">What name fits you best?
brought to you by No comments: Links to this post

Friday, November 04, 2005

Ok, I'm me again.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be all psycho in that last blog. I had originally written a very nice one and taken alot of time on it too, but it went the way of the Dodo and never made it to your eyes.
My back is healing very quickly and I expect to be able to perform all my favorite dance moves in about a week. I'm still taking some medicine, but less than I was taking and only stuff that I can drink with and not become addicted too. Ha ha ha, that would be perfect! Can you imagine me addicted to pain killers? I would be the coolest addict ever. Joking. I think that I am fairly immune to addictive things of that nature, so you don't need to fear for me.
I would have to say that on the whole most of my friends at Ave find me to be a very pleasent person, probably thinking that I never really had any bad experiences in life, and never really did anything bad either. Get ready for a shock! I have had many very bad experiences outside of my dearest Ave bubble, and I have sinned probably more than any other person ever enrolled at Ave. I've tried it all. I have done it all, and now have proven myself to be the fool my father said I would be, by learning by experience rather than anothers wisdom.
The odd thing, at least I think it is odd, is that I never lose face or my iner self. Not really anyways. Nothing permenantly damaging to my inner charecter ever takes place. I wonder about this. It seems that God gave me just the right amount of childish nature to continually be able to pick my self up again and continue. It has always been that nothing matters but that I do pick myself up and try to finish walking towards Him. However, this line of thought has also been an occasion of sin for me as it leads me to the, ''No matter what I do wrong, God will catch me if I start to fall to fast.'' theory which some times tricks me into committing more sins than if I had not thought about it.
I want to be a good person, really I do. Wait let me correct that and be completely honest. I want to be a saint. A famous and great saint. I want to be able to pull down blessings on to the people that I meet every day. I want to convert the world with in my reach, and I want to reach it all. I suffer from the sin of Pride. Well, sometimes I suffer, but most of the time I actually enjoy my daydreaming of grandure. I would love to be a martyr. Oh, that would be the shit. That would be so easy! One quick, ok possibly long and tortured for days, death in Jesus name. Then He couldn't possibly turn me away could He? The world would love me too. I want that so much. I love the world, so why does it feel like it is ignoring me. Oh wait, it might be because of that Litany of Humility I said back when I was having a devout spell. Hahaha!!!
I know. I know. My delusions of grandure would never work . I know that I will have to just keep plodding along and wait till I die from... you fill in the blank. It wouldn't work because it would be one of those instances of "Doing the right thing for the wrong reason." Why did Elliot have to write it down for the world to recognize!?

I was only joking about being me agian. The truth is that I am always me, but that I choose to show only certain parts of me to certain people. I have friends that don't know I can sing or that I cook. I want it that way. I have friends that think I love drinking, smoking, and partying with loud pop music. I want it that way. I have friends that think I would never go near a party with a ten foot pole. I want it that way. I have friends that think I am simple minded, they might be right, but I still want it that way. I have friends that think I am a religious freak. I want them to think that. I have friends who think I am a very sweet, honest, caring, compassionate, and intelligent enough girl. They might be wrong, but I want them to think these things of me. I have friends in so many places, of so many types, and they all think I am more something in particular than I actually am of my whole. Believe it or not, I am actually quite a bit like, umm, I hate to say it but I have to, Erin W. I am just better at the game.
You may all proceed to question my motives for being so nice now in the past, and so strangly honest to you today. The interesting thingt is that whomever you think I am, I will continue to be to you, so I hope you think of me still as your friend.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I hurt.

I can't stand it. I just wrote a long narrative blog that laid bare my soul and my fears and what has happend to me during this last week. But is just disapeared. I want to scream. I hurt my back by falling off a horse in the middle of the french countryside. I wanted to die because of the pain. Everyone kept staring I wanted to scream I wanted to be able to make myself stop crying. I took my first ambulance ride. I had multiple x-rays taken. I am able to walk and sit but only like I have a stick up my... I can't sleep. I am in pain. I feel like an idiot. I need my friends. I don't have them. No one cares. No one understands me. I am in pain, I am taking 4 pills every 5 hours or so and I am so fucking pissed. Not that anyone is going to read this today, but no I am not going to apologize for typing fucking. It is pefect for a situation like this one.