Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The fulfillment of a childhood dream.

When I was a little girl, living in a suburb of Chicago, I remember one day when my father said that we were going to be touring the local pawn shops that day. There was a pin of some kind that one of my grandfathers had given to my mother a long time ago. It was definitely and antique and this was during one of those times when day was sick and we were seriously out of money. I remember that I was still the only girl in the family, but that I already had 5 brothers. It was before my mom got pregnant with Jubilee, my closest sister. I must have been about 71/2 or 8 years old. Way back when there were really only 3 things I could talk to my brothers about without the threat of getting picked on or pushed aside. We could talk about sports. Mainly baseball, because we were all of us in a league, but we could also talk about basketball. Because at that time Michael Jordan was still the hottest thing around and "Duh Bulls" were doing awesome. We could talk about Mom and dad and how unfair we thought they were, or how cool we thought they were and what kind of presents we thought we could convince them to buy us for Christmas. And we could talk about Disney Land.
I remember seeing how sad my father was that day as we drove around from pawn shop to pawn shop. I also remember what it was my 4 brothers and I were talking about: Disney Land. We all wanted to go so badly. I dreamed Disney dreams, slept in Mickey Mouse sheets, and every night when I saw the first star in the sky I would wish on it that I would be able to fly like Peter Pan. Back then we had one very tiny television, and my father was continually taking it away from us and hiding it so that we would go outside to play, because when we had it we watched Disney movies all day long.
He loved everything Disney too, and was happy that we loved them, but on that day, all of our cheerful dreaming aloud was really hurting him. He knew that we wanted to go there and he knew how much fun we could all have there, but he also, probably, knew that we would never be able to all go as a family. I can't remember exactly who asked it but one of us said 'Pop when can we go to Disney Land?' I was young, but I remember how he was struggling with the answer. He knew that we lived more on the dreams of tomorrow than in our lives of the day. He said that we would all go someday, but that he wasn't sure when. Then I said "But Pop, if we sell the silver thing we will be rich right!? Then we can go to Disney Land can't we?" He smiled at me and said something like 'Yes, if we get rich from selling the pin then we can go to Disney Land.' I was satisfied. I was happy that our days mission might lead to Disney Land. M
When my father stopped at another pawn shop, this one in Cicero, he told us this was the last one and that we could stay in the car if we wanted. Some of us stayed and some of us went. Jonathan, my immediate older brother, and I stayed in the car. We had both seen enough old stuff for the day. I remember what he said to me after dad had been gone for just a few minutes. "We're never going to all be able to go you know? Even if Pop gets a couple hundred bucks, which is a lot, we still can't go. We are one of those families that can never go. We're poor, Ooty, POOR, and there is no way that it will ever happen." When my father came back to the car I had stopped talking about Disney Land. A part of me had died that day. I don't hate Jon for saying it, but I do hate myself for believing him.

Last Friday I went to Disney Land Paris. I wept 3 silent tears as we drove through the gates. The first ride I went on was the Peter Pan one. I didn't spend 1 cent and I saw and did so much. So there Jon Bean! It doesn't matter if you have money or not Captain Hook still gives you a hug if you want one.

I will try to upload the pictures as soon as I figure out how.

After note: In my family we all have nick names. No one really goes by their given name. We always remember to introduce each other by our real names, but we hardly ever use them other wise.
The List of family given nick names:
Dad = Pop/Popper "P" the potomus/ and as we got older "Crazy Pete" behind his back.
Mom = Mom/Mammy/ and Pop calls her Muffin or sometimes Pernelli Muff
Nathan = Gump/Nate
David = Dave/Davie
Jonathan = Jon bean
Havilah = Ooty/Ooty Pie
Peter = Pider/Pi
Joseph = Joe bug
Jubilee = Juby/ Jub-jub/Jub a lub/Booby
Galadriel = Gelly/ Jelly belly

3 comments:

Tom said...

I loved Disneyland Paris, it was alot of fun. I'm glad you got to fulfill a dream.

Tom V

Angel Roth said...

That's a beautiful post, Havilah. You should check if a magazine will publish it.
And by the way-I think it's awesome that you have a sister named Jubilee.

Louise said...

I love your fam's nicknames! My eldest sister is simply known as "The Ice Queen."