I hurt.

I can't stand it. I just wrote a long narrative blog that laid bare my soul and my fears and what has happend to me during this last week. But is just disapeared. I want to scream. I hurt my back by falling off a horse in the middle of the french countryside. I wanted to die because of the pain. Everyone kept staring I wanted to scream I wanted to be able to make myself stop crying. I took my first ambulance ride. I had multiple x-rays taken. I am able to walk and sit but only like I have a stick up my... I can't sleep. I am in pain. I feel like an idiot. I need my friends. I don't have them. No one cares. No one understands me. I am in pain, I am taking 4 pills every 5 hours or so and I am so fucking pissed. Not that anyone is going to read this today, but no I am not going to apologize for typing fucking. It is pefect for a situation like this one.