Thursday, May 04, 2006

Should I stay or should I go...

First, as I am certain Mary will be very happy to learn, I AM coming home to the States on or just about June 30th. I have some relatives and some friends that I want very much to see on the East coast, so I am thinking of flying into Phili, seeing Bunnydette and The Clever Angel, and then perhaps visiting my Uncle Dave and Aunt Bethany, and then maybe even heading to CT and visiting Aunt Amelia. I don't plan on being away for too long though. Maybe two weeks total for the East coast, and then I was thinking of catching a bus, train, or some car with my thumb, and coming home to Wisconsin. So all my Wisconsin Peeps should be expecting me to pop up and want to be fed and amused on or about the 14th of July.

Now here is my 'should I stay or should I go' dilema: In about a week I will be receiving my first Catre de Séjour, Green Card if you will, and when I receive that I will be a valid citizen of France for one full year from the date of issue. Which means: I can come and go all over Europe as much as I like. That is too cool, and you all know what? It took me so freakin' long to get the stupid card that I inclined to not let it go to waste.

I have a few other job oportunities here and I was thinking maybe I would stay till at least next Christmas. But here is the thing, I am now 2 years behind in getting my college degree, and I am starting to feel the pressure about finishing a degree before I get so old that the professors start call me "Maam". I have this little pamphlet in my room from Viterbo University in LaCrosse WI, which is only 30 miles from my parents place, and it has been calling my name in my sleep. Reminding me about how much I loved being in school and a learning environment. How I miss studying and being mentally challenged by my proffessors. I am so tempted to sign up and see what really studying music is like.

However, I know that I will probably get ants in my pants if I stay in WI for more than a year, so I really don't know. I could apply for Ave Maria in Nicaragua and start learning Spanish, or maybe I could go to Calcutta and do missionary work.... What am I supposed to be doing??????

Now I humbly ask all the kind and caring people who read my silly blog: Would you please give me a little advice? I am really feeling like a reed in the wind. I blow this way and that way between my options. The world is too open to me, and I am afraid that I might end up wasting my youth chasing it round and round then in a few years find myself middle aged, alone, and without a real home or plan.

What to do, what to do...

Todays song:

Older Chests

By: Damien Rice

Older chests reveal themselves
Like a crack in a wall
Starting small, and grow in time
And we (always) seem to need the help
Of someone else
To mend that shelf(of)
Too many books
Read me your favourite line

Papa went to other lands
And he found someone who understands
The ticking, and the western man's need to cry
He came back the other day, yeah you know
Some things in life may change
And some things
They stay the same

Like time, there's always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time

Older gents sit on the fence
With their cap in hand
Looking grand
They watch their city change

Children scream, or so it seems,
Louder than before
Out of doors, into stores with bigger names
Mama tried to wash their faces
But these kids they lost their graces
And daddy lost at the races too many times

She broke down the other day, yeah you know
Some things in life may change
But some things they stay the same

Like time, time, there's always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time,
Time, there's always time
On my mind
Pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time


Cola said...

What a dificult decision... From the outside, I'd say TRAVEL!!! Sometimes experiences can be more valuable than a degree, and seriously, you can always go to school. But I know what it's like feeling the pressure to just get a degree and be done with it.

I'll pray for you, that you are able to decern what GOD wants for you.

Angel Roth said...

Havilah-heck-yes!!! COME! We got lots of room and we'd love to meet your hot french guy, as you call him. I'll scream at Bern to contact you-does she have your #?

Anonymous said...

Pray about it. But I am 'just an e-mail'.

Bernadette said...

yes she has your number; KOMMST DU HIER JETZT!!!